Growing up my mom loved watching me play soccer with a huge smile on my face. I loved and was very good at the game. But as I started to become known as the “soccer star” by friends and family my mom noticed a change - I became extremely serious, hard on myself and developed a poor attitude, especially when I lost. Although I continued to play soccer all the way through college, I never found the love or that big smile again. Instead, I spent 12 years trying to prove that I was skilled and big enough to play at the highest level.
When I started my trading career in 2009, I had that same child-like glow at work. I wasn’t afraid to fail because I had nothing to prove. But after I showed potential, my attitude changed due to the extremely high expectations I placed on myself and I fell into the same performance trap.
For me, every time I start a new activity I begin with a learning orientation. Since I don’t know anything, it feels like I have nothing to lose. But once I demonstrate a talent for the activity, I start tying my identity and self-worth to my success. With heightened expectations, I became afraid to fail, winning becomes an obligation, and I completely move from a learning orientation into an avoid/prove performance orientation. For example, when I lost a soccer game or a trade, I didn’t just lose, I felt like a loser. For many of us, we are unaware that these orientations exist and shift depending on the context. That performance orientations tend to act as a lever or barrier to our performance. Investigating the impact of orientations has helped me recognize my dysfunctional performance cycle. This awareness has enabled me to develop cues on when I need to re-ground my thinking.
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